Second thoughts

Ok, am I the only one who has second thoughts about every decision I make?  It occurred to me this morning that I probably should have checked to see if there was another lamp oil blog out there, and sure enough there is, right here on blogger.  You get to it a bit differently, but the title is the same.  No new postings for about a year now, so may not be anyone looking for it, but if you stumble on to mine by mistake, sorry.  I may not offer the same spiritual insight you are looking for.  

So I continued on and thought, okay maybe apple pie was an inspired thought. But, there is an apple pie blog, and a mom and apple pie blog, and even a humble pie blog.  So I give up.  I started here, here I'll stay.

This is so typical of my life!

I am an expert procrastinator.   I put off starting things, I put off finishing things.  I put off making decisions.  Perhaps its because things usually don't turn out the way I expected or wanted.  Or there is the deeper reasoning of "If I choose or do one thing, then that eliminates all the other choices".  Thankfully I have lived long enough to realize that most of those other choices are usually still there, waiting for you, after you've made the one you are dissatisfied with.  So you can start the whole process again.  Of course, then again, there are the situations as described in the previous paragraph, where all other choices are taken.  I guess this all leads to the fact that I am ___ years old and still not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up.  One could say in not making a choice I have actually made the choice.  And this is true.  And I guess subconsciously (fyi it took 4 tries to get the spelling on that correct), ok back to ... I guess subconsciously I figure if I didn't actually choose to do something or be something I have an excuse if I don't do it well.  Hey I'm just doing the best I can in a situation I didn't choose! Aaaaargh!  How is it so much time and energy is wasted on being in a position to have an excuse?  Fear.

Sad to say I know I am not the only one daily confronting my fear.  And I can feel pretty good about myself cause at least I recognize and acknowledge it.  But too often I think fear is still in control. I can come up with all sorts of psycho babble about how my fear comes from this trauma, or that lack of love and support, and I know it is helpful to figure out why you are the way you are.  But my understanding is limited, my discernment flawed.  And ultimately even if i figure it out, I on my own am still powerless to deal with it.  Praise be to God, with Him, in Him I need not fear.  I guess even Timothy in the Bible needed to be reminded of this.  Listen to what Paul has to say to him in Second Timothy; " I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night and day.  As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy.  I am reminded of your sincere faith, a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which in in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control".  Then John reminds us in First John;" Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God... There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear...".

The love of God is the antidote for fear. 

I remember years ago at the church we went to, one of the pastors preached about fear. I don't remember most of what he said, but this one question pierced my heart and sticks with me still...

"What are you afraid of ?"  

As he continued to speak I pondered, I think everyone in the room pondered, what personally was our greatest fear, the worst thing that could possibly happen to us.  Then he reminded us that Christ is there, Christ is sufficient.  So if you know Jesus, there is NOTHING to be afraid of.  If you don't know Jesus, fear is probably a big part of your life.  The good news is Jesus knows you and he wants you to know Him.  Just ask...

Still daily I inventory my fear.  Like this morning I guess it was "What if someone thinks that other Lamp Oil blog is mine?" Or "Did I make a dumb spontaneous choice about blogging?"  The list goes on, and I push them away.  Cause even though fear is there, calling to me... Today I will not live in it.