That the attitude of my heart that day was to serve was a much bigger miracle than getting kissed by Hugh Jackman. This fall has been a difficult season for me. I have been struggling greatly with a number of things including the implications of Joes cancer diagnosis, and the practical impact it has had on our life, not the least of these being financial. The week before the show had been one of those weeks of "if it can go wrong it will". In the midst of Joe traveling and my trying to work while caring for two kids at home, we had car trouble. Our truck clearly needed brakes, we had put if off as long as possible and finally broke down and took it in. Well over the course of two days a $300 brake job turned into $1200 worth of repairs that were needed. The day I picked it up I had to head right up to Nashville to work, the beginning of several 12 hour days. When I got to the dealership they couldn't get the truck started. They finally gave it a boost and it turned over. The mechanic wasn't sure the battery was bad (it could have just gotten drained if something was left on) so I didn't really want to spend another $150 bucks on a battery. So I got in the truck and drove around to try and charge it on my way to work. The further I drove the more frustrated and angry I felt. I went to work, came out that evening, and thankfully the truck started. The next couple of days were a series of small frustrations. Joe was home long enough to replace the truck battery (after getting stuck at Publics because it wouldn't start). He had to fly out of town again and took the truck to the airport, so I was driving my car back and forth to Nashville. In the meantime the show I was working on was awesome, but it was long days of physically exhausting work. Work that on other shows I would have hired someone else to do. In the midst of fatigue, and frustration my heart became more resentful and angry. And although I worked hard, wanting to do a good job, it ended up being for all the wrong reasons. By Tuesday, the day before the show I was in the pits. It was Sams 16th birthday and I would not be home at all that day. I had not made him a cake and would not be there for dinner, it sucked. On my way home that night I wanted to stop and at least get him a cupcake or something to say Happy Birthday. I stopped in Cool Springs to go to the store. I walked up to the door of the store and realized it was closed. When I got back in my car it wouldn't start. I sat there, cried, and called AAA. Joe was in Vegas doing a show so I couldn't even call him for support. The AAA guys came in about 45 minutes, started the car, and were very nice. I think they knew they were dealing with a women on the edge : ) I couldn't go to another store to get Sam cake, because I couldn't turn the car off, so I drove through Dunkin Donuts and took him donuts for his birthday. So finally at 10:30 that night I got home and he got his birthday donuts.
I had to be back at work at 8 am the next day. Amazingly when I went out to get in the car it started up, with a little hesitation, but it started. During the 30 minute drive to work I cried out to God, first in anger, finally in surrender. By the time I arrived at work the prayer I uttered ended with "Please just incline my heart to want to serve the people I am working with today."
So despite needing to rearrange very heavy furniture in a number of dressing rooms because of last minute changes, and continuing to run all day long, getting stuff people needed. It was a good day. I was happy to be there. I was even content in what no longer seemed like such menial tasks. I had the opportunity to literally make dozens of people more comfortable that day. And it felt good. It felt good because I remembered I am loved by God, and that fact determines who I am, not the work I do. God mercifully reminded me of that and in so doing changed my heart.
So the really significant kiss that day, was the kiss of God reminding me I am His beloved.
Sweetly followed by a kiss of greeting from a very gracious man.
